[Matt Landau]

Sarah Bradford (of Sarah & Tim fame) recently shared with me I Illustrated National Parks In America Based On Their Worst Review And I Hope They Will Make You Laugh.

I'm an illustrator and I have always had a personal goal to draw all 62 US National Parks, but I wanted to find a unique twist for these poster designs. When I found that there are one-star reviews for every single park, the idea for Subpar Parks was born. For each park, I hand-letter a line from the one-star reviews alongside my illustration of each park as my way of putting fun and beautiful twist on the negativity.

I've posted a few of my faves below but be sure to read the full post for maximum giggles.

It made me wonder who (if anyone in our community) has considered turning their worst, most ridiculous guest feedback into a kind of marketing device intended to attract the right kinds of guests who think the statement is equally as stupid as you do: like marketing jiujitsu!

I'm thinking branded shirts/coozies, social media posters/campaigns, or merely front and center in your property description to add some stealth flavor.

Does anyone have contender quotes?

 

[Matt Landau]

Can't possibly publish without sharing this one-star Yelp review pizza parlor legend...

 

[DavidJacoby]

 

[Krissy]

View attachment 4851

I would definitely go in

 

[HWeb]

I have been thinking about this recently on a "review" level, based on reading about this Chinese restaurants responses to bad/dumb reviews I read awhile ago. https://www.boredpanda.com/chinese-...oogle&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

I got a review thats actually been hurting my business where someone said it was steep and scary to drive the road in Yosemite to my house. Its a very tame mountain road. Having just moved back from Sequoia, where the road is so windy you can't go over 25 mph if you tried, we are in heaven back on our 40 mph is possible mountain roads. And, nevermind that its the exact/only road that EVERY one of the 4 million per year visitors use to visit Yosemite, whether they stay at my house or not.

I started getting all sorts of questions about whether it was safe to drive to my house. I had several people decline to book my home, solely based on this review, not realizing they will drive this exact same road every day of their trip, no matter where they stay. I wasn't brave enough to go all "Oriental Express" on my response to the review, but I considered it. Instead, until such time I am wittier, I solicited more reviews to push that review down off the first page (it was on VRBO) and I wrote this response,

Here is the 5 star review
Exactly as advertised. Everything top notch including a nice welcome gift basket. Used the BBQ each day for dinner. Had four people staying above and while we could hear them occasionally it was not a problem at all.
As a side note from a driver with a fear of heights, you do have to climb from Yosemite Valley to Yosemite West on Hwy 41. The road is fine, bit I wish they had more guardrails . I can't imagine doing this drive with snow or ice on the road, tire chains or not.


Host’s response:
Thank you for your top review! You shared you have a special fear of heights when you are driving. Because of that, your perspective on driving in Yosemite is quite different from 99.9% of all travelers. Yosemite is in the mountains, and all highways into Yosemite start at a low elevation and go up. Those climbs are not steep. Yosemite roads are all safe, paved, well maintained and there are many guardrails.
In winter, roads are safely traveled by thousands of visitors, many of whom are not experienced in driving in snow, without problems. While you wish they had more guardrails, because of your special fear of driving in the mountains, these roads are safe and are traveled by over 4 million ordinary tourists a year, most of whom live in cities, and there are no other reports like this.

 

[HeatherB]

This is awesome! I love this idea so much. My brain is already spinning on what we can do with the handful of bad reviews we have.

 

[SScurlock]

Sarah Bradford (of Sarah & Tim fame) recently shared with me I Illustrated National Parks In America Based On Their Worst Review And I Hope They Will Make You Laugh.



I'm thinking branded shirts/coozies, social media posters/campaigns, or merely front and center in your property description to add some stealth flavor.

Does anyone have contender quotes?

The worst review I have ever received was a 3* review - "You might want to consider rearranging the furniture in the cabin. Staying here was a little like Green Acres with cattle grazing next to the fence across the drive from the bedroom windows".

The cabin is on a 172 acre working farm with cattle, goats horses and chickens. I replied there was really no way to rearrange the furniture with floor-to-ceiling windows on two sides and a rock fireplace wall on the third wall. It had been designed for the bed to go in the alcove where it was.

I have a granddaughter that got her BFA in graphic design. She designs T-shirts. I will get her to design a T-shirt with cows looking across the fence and something catchy about Green Acres. That would be a good story to tell guests during the tours of the farm!

 

[SScurlock]

View attachment 4851

I bet you got a lot of business and interaction with guests about the sign!

 

[Karla]

I have been thinking about this recently on a "review" level, based on reading about this Chinese restaurants responses to bad/dumb reviews I read awhile ago. https://www.boredpanda.com/chinese-...oogle&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

@HWeb Terrific response to that 5 star review, I’m sure other lookers will turn into bookers and disregard that 3 star review when they view your answer to your latest 5. Great strategizing!

I have yet to receive less than a 5 star review on VRBO (the one and big OTA I choose to to business with) but some folks who booked from that source and stayed at my place about 3 months ago made me very nervous. Prior to arriving on St. John they spent 3 nights on St. Thomas which led me to believe they had been around the “island block” a few times. They had not rented a St. John car and although most people do rent a car going “car-less” from my location is actually very doable, not the case for most on this very hilly island. I get a few comments about “hilly” but no real complaints about it. The vast majority of people absolutely love the fact that whether or not they have a car they can easily walk into town in less than 10 minutes and 2 minutes on foot takes them right to a beach.

My Property Manager never exaggerates but I cringed when I heard her description of the rental party’s arrival. The star of the show who I understand weighed at least 400 lbs waddled in. We all have our our “weighty issues” but I understand that the woman arrived huffing, puffing and sweating and immediately plumped herself right down on the sofa. My Property Manager told me, “That woman will not be able to walk ANYWHERE” but we agreed that at least she had a very comfortable place to stay and a great view. In the meantime I started privately worrying about a possible collapse of furniture and the the group was staying for two weeks.

It’s impossible to rent a St. John rental car in high season on short notice but that reservation was booked far enough ahead that they could have arranged it had they wanted to.

A few days passed after that group arrived and I learned that the group had somehow managed to acquire an SUV but it was obviously not a rental car. Nonetheless I was relieved to hear that they had indeed found a car, no matter the source.

Next thing you know the couple who manages all of our 6 condos (3 in each building) sent out a group e-mail to all owners. “An SUV has been parked here for 5.5 hours and they have parked horizontally, taking up over 3 parking spaces. There’s no room for the other guests to park. Does anybody know whose car this is? We have knocked on every door.”

Each building has only parking 5 vertical spaces, all marked with yellow lines and there are plenty of attractive signs in plain sight that read “Parking Reserved for Palm Terrace Guests.” Not yet knowing about the SUV I thought, “Well, at least they’re not MY guests” but I soon learned otherwise.

The husband in the group next contacted me by e-mail. “Do you know where our is?” I answered, “I believe Bell’s Towing has your car” to he replied, “No!! Our car was stolen and your position should be that you will pay for that charge.” Huh? How ridiculous, in over a decade I have never encountered a situation like that one.

A couple of days later the wife chimed in with her own e-mail. “I am not happy, I am not pleased, I am not delighted, I am not content, and I am not, not, not…” By then I was mighty irritated and decided to simply drop out of any conversation with l them. I was clearly dealing with unreasonable people and IBM knew that a rational discussion would never happen.

I was tempted to pipe in and say, “Okay, I know what you are NOT so what ARE you?” I definitely had my answer but wisely chose to zip my lips. In the meantime I was sweating it, thinking “Uh oh, here comes a one star review” So far no review has showed up from them but I believe the wife has up to a year to write one. The beauty of the VRBO review system if I am correct is that if X guest writes a review unless I rate that guest their review will not show up.

Although I have not yet received a bad review I just consider myself lucky. A bad review is bound to come my way. When I see it I imagine my first response will be to privately freak out but only briefly. I have already decided my own rules about what will happen next: Stay calm, do not get defensive, don’t over explain, and never apologize.

I learn so much from members of our community, words will never suffice to express how much I appreciate it!


I got a review thats actually been hurting my business where someone said it was steep and scary to drive the road in Yosemite to my house. Its a very tame mountain road. Having just moved back from Sequoia, where the road is so windy you can't go over 25 mph if you tried, we are in heaven back on our 40 mph is possible mountain roads. And, nevermind that its the exact/only road that EVERY one of the 4 million per year visitors use to visit Yosemite, whether they stay at my house or not.

I started getting all sorts of questions about whether it was safe to drive to my house. I had several people decline to book my home, solely based on this review, not realizing they will drive this exact same road every day of their trip, no matter where they stay. I wasn't brave enough to go all "Oriental Express" on my response to the review, but I considered it. Instead, until such time I am wittier, I solicited more reviews to push that review down off the first page (it was on VRBO) and I wrote this response,

Here is the 5 star review
Exactly as advertised. Everything top notch including a nice welcome gift basket. Used the BBQ each day for dinner. Had four people staying above and while we could hear them occasionally it was not a problem at all.
As a side note from a driver with a fear of heights, you do have to climb from Yosemite Valley to Yosemite West on Hwy 41. The road is fine, bit I wish they had more guardrails . I can't imagine doing this drive with snow or ice on the road, tire chains or not.


Host’s response:
Thank you for your top review! You shared you have a special fear of heights when you are driving. Because of that, your perspective on driving in Yosemite is quite different from 99.9% of all travelers. Yosemite is in the mountains, and all highways into Yosemite start at a low elevation and go up. Those climbs are not steep. Yosemite roads are all safe, paved, well maintained and there are many guardrails.
In winter, roads are safely traveled by thousands of visitors, many of whom are not experienced in driving in snow, without problems. While you wish they had more guardrails, because of your special fear of driving in the mountains, these roads are safe and are traveled by over 4 million ordinary tourists a year, most of whom live in cities, and there are no other reports like this.