A real life accommodation industry classic:
The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times.
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Maid,
>>Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
>>since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
>>unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
>>three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,
>>S. Berman
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Room 635,
>>I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
>>her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
>>requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on
>>top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
>>leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
>>management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
>>Kathy, Relief Maid
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
>>Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the
>>little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found
>>you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.
>>I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
>>own bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on
>>the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
>>Please remove them.
>>S. Berman
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Berman,
>>My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we
>>are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
>>way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.
>>I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't
>>remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
>>medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to
>>when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further
>>assistance. Your regular maid,
>>Dotty
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Berman,
>>The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you
>>called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service.
>>I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
>>apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints
>>please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension
>>1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
>>Elaine Carmen
>>Housekeeper
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Miss Carmen,
>>It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
>>business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the
>>reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
>>I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
>>bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
>>new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
>>medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
>>bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars
>>of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
>>S. Berman
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Berman,
>>Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
>>room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
>>please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
>>Elaine Carmen,
>>Housekeeper
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Kensedder,
>>My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
>>including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to
>>call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
>>S. Berman
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Berman,
>>I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I
>>cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are
>>instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
>>situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for
>>the inconvenience.
>>Martin L. Kensedder
>>Assistant Manager
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>>Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
>>night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
>>Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have
>>54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give
>>me back my bath-size Dial.
>>S. Berman
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mr. Berman,
>>You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved. Then
>>you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
>>personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
>>Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about
>>the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had
>>returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
>>I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial.
>>I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
>>Elaine Carmen
>>Housekeeper
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Dear Mrs. Carmen,
>>Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
>>As of today I possess:
>>* On the shelf under medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
>>* On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
>>* On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
>>hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
>>* Inside the medicine cabinet, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
>>* In the shower soap dish, 6 Camay, very moist.
>>* On the northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
>>* On the northwest corner of tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
>>Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
>>neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
>>than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill
>>is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
>>One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am
>>keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
>>S. Berman